She could send a message in seconds, without even looking at the keypad. She really never worried about her parents reading the messages because they don’t “text.” Even if they did, she knew they would never understand the abbreviations and code words. But the coolest thing about her phone was its ability to take pictures. She loved to snap shots of her friends at the ballgame or out shopping. One night, she awoke as her phone signaled an incoming picture. When she opened it, the picture she saw would change her life forever.

            It calls, texts, emails, accesses the Web, plays video games, contains an address list, has a built-in calculator, keeps time, has a daily planner, plays music, and takes pictures. There are an estimated 2.5 billion cell phones in use. In fact, in 2006, over 30 countries had more cell phones than they had people. The Turks and Caicos Islands have a saturation rate of 165.7%. 75% of Americans have a cell phone, including 80% of teens, ages 13 to 18.   

            What’s so bad about cell phones? Have you ever heard of “sexting”? According to Wikipedia, “sexting” is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between cell phones. Sexting was reported as early as 2005 in the Sunday Telegraph Magazine, and has since been described as taking place worldwide. It has been reported in Australia, New Zealand, the United States, and Great Britain. In other words, quick messages from phone to phone called texting have turned into sexting. The cameras that made great photos for the scrapbooks have been turned into portable pornographic studios.   

            Now let’s examine some  statistics that should wake up the current generation of parents.  The number of teenagers who have sent or posted nude or semi-nude pictures or video of themselves by cell phone: 20% of teenagers overall, 22% of teen girls, 18% of teen boys, and 11% of young teen girls ages 13-16. The percent of teenagers sending or posting sexually suggestive messages: 39% of all teenagers, 37% of teen girls, and 40% of teen boys. Let’s keep digging! Forty-eight percent of teenagers say they have received such messages. Seventy-one percent of teen girls and 67% of teen guys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content say they have sent or posted this content to a boyfriend or girlfriend. Forty-four percent of both teen girls and teen boys say it is common for sexually suggestive text messages to be shared with people other than the intended recipient. Fifty-one percent of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images; only 18 % of teen boys cited pressure from female counterparts as a reason. Sixty-six percent of teen girls and 60% of teen boys say their most common reason for sending sexy content was to be “fun or flirtatious.” Fifty-two percent of teenage girls used sexting as a “sexy present” for their boyfriends. Forty-four percent of both teen girls and teen boys say they sent sexually suggestive messages or images in response to similar content they received. Forty percent of teenage girls said they sent sexually suggestive messages or images as “a joke.” Thirty-four percent of teen girls say they sent or posted sexually suggestive content to “feel sexy.” Parents, are you listening?!

            We buy cell phones for our children for one primary reason—security. For parents who have teen drivers, cell phones give peace of mind and accountability. On one hand, parents are to be commended for going the extra mile to protect their children; but with the cure, so comes the curses. It is what many parents don’t know that is killing the souls of our children. What once was used for security is now being used for sin. As a parent, what can I do to protect my children (adolescents, pre-teens, teens, and young adults)?

1. As with any and all clear and present dangers, talk to your children about it. Ask them: “Have you ever heard of sexting? Has anyone ever sent you an immoral text or picture? Have you ever sent an immoral text or picture to anyone? Did you know it is illegal to send sexually explicit photos?” In fact, just last month, a 15-year-old Pennsylvania girl was charged with creating child pornography for sending images of herself via MySpace to a 27-year-old man.

2. Turn texting off. Texting is too tempting for teens and possesses a threat to their physical and spiritual health. Sexting aside, consider the dangers of  texting while driving. Many states are outlawing it while driving and schools are banning it from the classrooms. Maybe it is time parents reevaluate how much texting will be allowed—and under what conditions.

3. As a parent you have an obligation to read and see what your children are doing. If your children have a phone that texts and/or sends pictures, you can receive a copy of all these by making a simple phone call to your provider. You can also purchase monitoring software if your cell carrier won’t cooperate (www.pcsndreams.com/Pages/Sexting_Statistics.html). Don’t let your children throw the “trust” issue up as a wall to keep you from being a parent. Trust is earned and does not release a parent from being responbsible for their child’s soul. If you are unable to read the messages, perhaps the following abbreviations will help: 

1174 —Nude club                                          A3 — Anyplace, Anywhere, Anytime

143 — I love you                                            ASL — Age/Sex/Location

4Q — (Curse Word)                                       DYHAB — Do You Have A Boyfriend

8 — (a marital encounter)                               GAP — Got A Picture (of yourself)?

A/S/L/P — Age/Sex/Location/Picture            GNOC — Get Naked On Cam

IMEZRU — I Am Easy, Are You?

BYOB — Bring Your Own Bottle (or Bring Your Own Beer)

(For a more complete list, just Google “text abbreviations” and click the websites carefully).

4. Set an age limit. We are giving our children too much, too soon. With rare exceptions, children and pre-teens don’t need cell phones.

5. Make sure your child’s phone does not have a camera. I am not accusing every teen of “sexting,” but I know that it is a growing trend. Remember, your child may not be sending out sexually explicit texts and photos, but they may be receiving them without your knowledge. Over time, sin wears everyone down. Before long, they will not only be seeing it, they will be sending it.

The next time you hear his/her cell phone ring, perhaps it will serve to remind you who or what is possibly on the sending side of the message. No one is immune to these sins. A missionary in India, noted that citizens there may not have a house, food, or clothing, but they all have cell phones. This is a worldwide weapon of Satanic proportions. Parents, our children are dying while we have the cure. Get involved and get engaged!

 Several years ago, I was given a book that changed my entire perspective on dating and courtship. After reading it, I was convinced the current American dating model must be abandoned by Christians if we are going to save our children.

We have very few examples of dating in the Bible, and all of them are found in the Old Testament. One of the more notable accounts is found in the selection of Rebekah for Isaac.

And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, “Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac” (Genesis 24:2-4 KJV).

Abraham was not going to allow chance and good fortune to determine whom his son married. His love for God and his son manifested itself in direct parental involvement in this monumental decision.

Furthermore, the New Testament sets forth principles to guide parents as they help their children find a mate. “Flee also youthful lusts…” (2 Timothy 2:22 KJV); “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers…” (1 Timothy 4:12 KJV); “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication” (1 Thessalonians 4:3 KJV); “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:23 KJV); “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another” (Romans 12:10 KJV).

Below are some suggestions for parents and teenagers on dating. I am certainly no expert in dating, but these common-sense, Biblical principles will help everyone deal with this consequential stage of life.

1. Parents need to parent their teenagers in dating. We may let them choose between pepperoni or sausage on their pizzas, but when it comes to matters that affect their souls, parents must be clear and consistent. Parents have an obligation to make rules for dating that should be known and repeated to their children beginning in childhood. As with Abraham, parents need to look out for the “future” spiritual welfare of their children by helping them find godly mates.

2. Parents should never, never allow their teenage son or daughter to be alone with a friend of the opposite sex. They should each never go into the other’s room, and they should never be left unsupervised anywhere. Cars, teens, and dating are not good combinations. It is far too easy to find a few minutes alone when there is no supervision. Young people, this is not a matter of trust, but an understanding and awareness of sexual attraction. Dads know how strong the male attraction is and therefore should take great care to protect their sons from sexual temptation. Moms can protect their daughters by teaching them the differences between male and female attraction.

3. Teenagers, don’t date too early. Studies consistently show a link between early dating and teenage pregnancy. Thirteen-, fourteen-, fifteen-, and even sixteen-year-old teens are not ready or prepared for a serious boy/girl friend and steady dating. If a friend of the opposite sex wants to be your friend, he or she can find such friendship every Sunday and Wednesday during periods of Bible study and worship. Parents, don’t allow the world to sound the dating alarm clock too soon!

4. Teenagers, date only those who will help you go to Heaven. If they are not interested in the Church, you should not be interested in them. Attendance at Bible study and worship is a good test of the heart. Too many brothers and sisters can share their struggles that stem from a marriage not formed out of a spiritual foundation.

5. Teenagers, don’t date too often. The more time you spend with someone the more difficult it will be to remain pure and holy. If you are dating, limit your time together. Some who date spend more time together than husbands and wives do. If you act as though you are married, you may find yourself doing what only married people are authorized to do.

6. Teenagers, never treat dating as a game. Dating helps us find a soul mate (someone who can help your soul go to Heaven). First, dating is not a social outlet. If you want a social outlet, go with a group, join an activity, or play a sport. Second, dating is not a popularity contest. You don’t have to date if you are in high school. In fact, it is probably better if you wait.

7. Engaged couples, never forget that you are not married. In this stage of dating you should both agree upon rules for your relationship. Limit time you spend together and limit your physical contact. Be very clear on how far is too far. Remember, if you are not married, don’t act as if you are, or you will soon be married before you planned. The words of Solomon’s fiancé need to be rehearsed between every engaged couple, “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please” (Song of Solomon 3:5 KJV).

. An Indian preacher named Brother B. Ratnam was right when he expressed concerns about our American dating system. Indeed, it is dangerous! There are many lessons we can learn from the Bible to help both parents and teens with dating. We must re-evaluate our approach to and method of dating. We must throw out the Hollywood model and adopt the Holy Word’s examples and principles. Don’t wait until they are teens to talk to your children about dating. Parental failure in this area of life may have a consequential impact here and in eternity. As Abraham said, “Let us go into our country” to find mates for our children.

 The bedroom door slams and she goes over to turn her music up. Thoughts continue to go through her mind that only kindle the flame and make her anger grow. “They don’t care!” and “They must not love me!” are just a few thoughts that she struggles with as she lays on her bed reflecting on the words that just flew in a moment of disappointment and anger. All she wanted was to go out with her friends. It’s something innocent, but her parents seem not to be interested in her having any sort of “life.”

            If you are a living, breathing teenager, then chances are pretty good you have found yourself in a situation very similar to this sometime. You and your parents have a discussion and, before you know it, words are coming out of your mouth that you would never say to them if the house were on fire and you had to work together to get out. In heated moments of frustration and disappointment, we sometimes say things, trying to hurt one another, which we really don’t mean. Our hurt and our anger boil, and just like a kettle of hot water on a stove, words spew out of our mouth. It’s as the Bible says when referring to the tongue in James 3:5, “How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!” (ESV) The only problem is, you’re at least partially responsible for the initial spark that set the blaze.

            What do you do when you find yourself in this situation? Some of you might do exactly what the young lady did in the example -- storm off, slam the door, and turn up the music, drowning in your stew of anger. Others might run out of the house into the backyard just to get away and think. Still others might struggle to the point of physically lashing out at their parents or their siblings. There are many responses we could show;  not all, however, bring honor and glory to God. If we’re not careful, the temptation to lash out causes us to forget that our parents are made in the image of God and that they deserve our respect. It’s when we are caught up in our own disappointment that we often open the door for Satan to come in, and we give him control of our thoughts and our words.

            So what do you do? To answer this question, let’s ask another, “What is the one thing you desperately want after an argument has occurred with your parents?” Your first response might be for them to come over to your side, allowing you to do what you want. However, after some time passes and the heated moment is gone, if you are honest you might have to admit your attitude and general respect for your parents was not what it should have been. Maybe you said some really ugly things that were meant to hurt. With a tender heart, you will desire the loving forgiveness of both God and of your parents. You will want to make things right, but the problem is you can’t take the words and the attitude back. What do you do? Turn the music down, come out of your room, and go tell them you’re sorry for your attitude and any harmful words you said. This is not the easiest thing in the world to do; however, what is right is not always easy.

            In all relationships in your life, be it with parents, brothers, sisters, friends, etc., you are going to encounter times when forgiveness needs to be asked for and extended to others. Do you remember Joseph? His brothers grabbed him, stripped him of his multi-colored robe, and threw him into a pit all before they decided to sell him to a traveling band of Ishmaelites for 20 shekels of silver. (Genesis 37: 28) If anyone could have held a grudge it was Joseph, but he didn’t. He left the events of the past in the past and extended to his brothers the very thing all of us need from people in our life and most importantly from God -- forgiveness. Learn to ask for it and be ready to freely give it to others.

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15, ESV)

Don’t forget Joe’s Seminar Thing            

“Nature abhors a vacuum.” This phrase expresses the idea that empty spaces are unnatural as they go against the laws of physics. If there is a vacuum, nature will fill it with something very quickly. This rule can be applied to children and teens in respect to the choices they make regarding right and wrong.

Without a moral compass by which to guide their lives, teenagers will fill their concepts of honesty, dignity, and sobriety with just about anything thereby leading them in tumultuous directions.

I’m reminded of the movie “Big Daddy” starring Adam Sandler—a movie that one would not recommend for Christians. Sandler’s character decides to raise his adopted child differently than he was raised. The boy is encouraged to do what he wants and hilarity ensues as he wears a colander on his head to school and changes his name to Frankenstein. Sandler’s character believed that he was encouraging a good relationship as he acted more like a friend than a father.

Children, and especially teens, don’t need friendships from their parental figures. They need guides who will help them see what is right and wrong in this world. Teenagers will challenge the rules you set as they work to understand them, but when you hold fast to what you believe, they will respect you and see the value in what you say as lessons are learned.

A solid definition of morality is lacking in many families. When parents are more concerned about the quality of the marijuana than abiding by the law, there’s something wrong. As laws are deliberately broken, teens and children are taught to disrespect authority-- including teachers, court systems, and even the very parents that taught them the faltering philosophy of “live by your own rules.” Also, when the moral compass of the home is guided by the “feels good, do it” or “I’m not hurting anyone” principles, children will be left in the cold because these ideas have no real hold on a constructive way of life. They are nothing more than shadows of right and wrong that change with the blowing of the wind.

Furthermore, there are lots of things that feel good and there’s always a victim, even if not immediately evident, when poor decisions are made. For instance, I’ve never, in any form, been involved with drunk driving, but my car insurance premiums suffer because of the risk drunk drivers pose. Also, lots of women wonder who the fathers of their babies are, because, at some point, they did what felt good. How tragic.

Pleasure and pain are relative concepts that can be used to warp the minds of impressionable teens. All teens search for guidance. Hopefully, they can find it  in their parents and other responsible adults. If not, they will turn to the media world, where the goal is making money at all costs. Sex, drugs, and immorality sell, and your middle schooler may be buying.