Here are the Blogs in the marriage category.
Thursday, 27 May 2010
Marriage in America—A “Sea of Change”?
 When you hear the names Kobe Bryant, David Letterman, Bill Clinton, Mark Sanford, Magic Johnson, John Edwards, and Tiger Woods, what one thing comes to mind connecting them all? If you said that each of them has undergone public scrutiny for infidelity within their marriages then you’re in touch with the headlines. You are informed and probably more so than you really want to be.
Infidelity amongst high profile individuals is something the media loves to cover; however, infidelity within the homes in your subdivision probably won’t make the evening news. If they tried to cover them, they would not get the viewer ratings. Consequently, in our society it’s just not that “big-of-a-deal,” and that’s sad! Souls are in danger, marriages are being destroyed, yet for some reason we don’t respond the same to the “everyday affair” as we do to the celebrity affair.
Although most who are guilty don’t want to admit it, some estimates have shown that in America today as many as 60% of men and 40% of women have extramarital affairs. There are even websites that have been created that are completely dedicated to helping facilitate such. One such site, Ashleymadison.com, boasts of having over 5 million members, and their trademarked tagline is “Life is Short, Have an Affair.” On “Good Morning America,” Noel Biderman, CEO of the company, summarized the success by stating that the website “cannibaliz[es] existing behavior and helps facilitate affairs for those who wish to have them” (March 19, 2009). If that weren’t disturbing enough, in an interview with CNN, Biderman stated, “We are at the cutting edge of something. The institution of marriage is undergoing a sea of change and Ashley Madison will be a part of that” (September 2008).
If marriage is truly undergoing a “sea of change,” how are we as Christians supposed to respond, especially when it comes to equipping our children and grandchildren to be prepared to have lasting marriages in the midst of a society that pushes anything but? How are we to respond to make sure our own marriages are solid and secure? Consider the following:
1. Always Model a Christ-Centered Marriage
In a recent study conducted by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, it was discovered that there has been in a major increase in the birth rate among teens in 26 states. In the same study, 80% of the parents responded that it was their responsibility to teach their children about sex. If that’s the case, who’s failing, the schools or the parents? With the majority of Americans professing a belief in Christianity, one would assume they would also teach the concept of Hebrews 13:4 to their children—“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (NASB). When marriage is held as that precious, then our own souls will not be put at risk because of an affair, and our children will see that in our attitudes and our commitment to our spouses.
2. Be Very Careful of Your Media Habits
The Kaiser Family Foundation recently released (January 2010) a study showing young people ages 8-18 spend the equivalent of 10 hours and 45 minutes in the world of media every day. Who’s monitoring what they watch and what they listen to? Often no one is. Parents and grandparents, often unsuspectingly, purchase the latest music and video games for their teens to consume unaware of the messages of sex and sensuality filling today’s charts. With every passing evening, shows like the 2010 Golden Globe winner for Best Television Series for a Drama, “Mad Men,” described as sexy and provocative, fill the screen for our “viewing pleasure.” Parents and children alike tune into “family programming” such as ABC’s “Modern Family” where two of the main characters are homosexual men living together and rearing a child.
Why is it that our society chooses to ignore Paul’s teaching to set our minds on things that are “honorable, right, pure, or lovely” (Philippians 4:8)? If you truly want to make sure your marriage is stronger and something children and grandchildren can look to as an example, then remember, “…whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption…” (Galatians 6:7, NASB).
3. Communicate with Each Other
There is never just one reason why extramarital affairs occur; however, there are some common threads seen in multiple cases. One such thread is a lack of spousal interaction. We get too busy with work, the kids, or just with life and before too long, we’re living with a total stranger—our spouse.
The apostle Paul wrote, “…Because of immoralities , each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2, 3, NASB). He will go on to write in verse 5, “Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (NASB). Husbands, how are your wives supposed to know what you need if you don’t talk to them about it? And wives, how will your husbands ever know how you feel if you remain silent? Satan knows when and where we are weak, and he will unleash his fury in the voids in our lives. An increase in spousal interaction will be a shield that will help deter and defend the sanctity of your marriage, and your children and grandchildren will notice that.
A “sea of change”? Maybe Biderman was right. Things have definitely changed in America, but that doesn’t mean that God has changed nor have His views of marriage. Posted on 05/27/2010 2:33 PM by Joe Wells
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Your Cheating Heart
Having looked into the tearful eyes of parents whose children have abandoned the Faith, I have learned there are a million miles between our children “going through the motions” in reference to their spiritual lives versus our children possessing hearts that dictate their actions. In this column, I plan to share with you what I hope to instill in the hearts of my own children and those whom I love.
Adultery does not start in the bedroom. Oftentimes it starts with a lively conversation or maybe a Facebook exchange. Conversations blossom into flirting. Flirting then takes on a whole new dynamic as personal feelings are shared. Rather than sitting down with a spouse and sharing problems and concerns, individuals spill their guts to a stranger who is quick to console and provide emotional—and eventually physical—support.
I dare say there is not a congregation in the church that has not felt the devastating effects of adultery. Our hearts sink when we hear about yet another couple torn apart by the tentacles of infidelity. Occasionally, the sin is committed with someone outside the church family. Many times, however, a married individual turns to someone within the church family. Multiple families are destroyed as selfish individuals seek their own pleasure and treat their marriages like a doormat. Adultery has affected young and old, rich and poor. We can all identify friends, preachers, deacons, and elders who have turned their lives upside down in search of greener grass. Few consider the lasting damage to their children, their families, the church, and their relationship with God in search of a few moments of physical pleasure. It’s the heat of the moment.
Here’s what I intend on teaching my children about adultery.
I’m going to make an admission that will likely get me into a great deal of trouble: Your mother has more wrinkles and gray hair than the day I asked her to marry me. (I do too for that matter!) But I can honestly say that when I look at your mother today she is more beautiful than the day we married. Many times I will look at her without her knowing and smile from ear to ear at how lucky I am to be married to such a beautiful woman. Your mother has a beauty that radiates from her very soul. I found a Proverbs 31 woman and I rejoice with the wife of my youth (Proverbs 5:18). I pray that one day you will be able to experience a similar feeling.
Marriage is for life. It is the second biggest decision you will make in your lifetime. The vows you make before God, your family, and friends are not to be taken lightly. The way in which you view the opposite sex must change on that day, as you are no longer “looking” for someone. Your search is over—forever! (Matthew 5:27-30).
Your marriage should focus on getting one another to heaven. If you get married and focus on what you “don’t” have, I assure you that your marriage will suffer. Allow me to be blunt for a moment: There will always be someone out there with more physical beauty, talents, or wealth than your spouse. (You are not excluded from this either!) However, always remember that just because the grass may appear greener does not mean it tastes good or doesn’t come with some serious maintenance. It is easy to focus a great deal of importance on physical things when you are young, but physical things will eventually fade away. I want to encourage you to focus on the beautiful grass you have been blessed with and count your blessings every single day.
One wonders how much Solomon knew of his dad’s relationship with Bathsheba. Consider the warning he gave against adultery in Proverbs 5. After describing the immoral woman’s lips as dripping honey and her mouth smoother than oil (vs. 3), he goes on to say, “Remove your way from her. And do not go near the door of her house” (vs. 8). Don’t even place that temptation before you. When one combs through God’s Word and researches the topic of marriage, divorce, and remarriage, the action of infidelity keeps bubbling up as a lynchpin (Matthew 19; 1 Corinthians 7) that—like death—can severe a marriage. It is a sin that was singled out in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:14). Guard against it with diligence!
Your mom and I occasionally talk about the reality of adultery. We are smart enough to recognize that the devil is “seeking whom he can devour” (1 Peter 5:8), and that includes the two of us! I am careful not to be alone with any woman other than your mother. I will often talk about my wife and children in front of individuals so they know I am a family man. We know if either of us let our guard down then devastating things could happen. As such, we try to be proactive to ensure that we are never in that position. From basic things like sharing computer passwords to more advanced things like phoning and letting one another know where we are, we are committed to one another (and God!).
I pray that you will “drink water from your own cistern” and work hard to make your mate happy (Proverbs 5:15-20). Read Song of Solomon with your spouse and fulfill one another’s physical needs. Enjoy the intimacy of your marriage and flee temptation. Lastly, my child, never forget the things I have taught you…Proverbs 3:1-6.
Love,
Dad
Posted on 04/13/2010 2:02 PM by Dr. Brad Harrub
Thursday, 2 July 2009
Get Back in the Ring
In this third segment concerning searching for the meaning of a man’s life, I would like to explore the impact a man can have on his family and friends when he knows and embraces the theme of his own life. A man must begin by understanding that God is the Alpha and Omega and the Author of his life (Revelation 22:12-13). God made us for His purpose only and has the answers to all of our questions. Matthew 10:28-39 stresses this fear of God and relinquishing all for Him. We discussed this in detail last month. A man living in subjection to the Almighty will demonstrate this to those closest to him in many ways. A critical method by which we show our love and subjection to God is by following his instruction in our relationships. Besides watching how a man cares for himself, one can observe a man’s treatment of his wife, children and friends and see some of the most obvious signs of his priorities and that for which he lives..
Life interrupted with a pertinent dose of reality as I was considering my thoughts for this article. Another husband and wife I know have separated. I am distraught. This is over half a dozen families in our circle of friends and/or fellow members at church in the last three years that are in the process of being torn apart. My continued prayer for them all is that they will be reconciled. Is it important that we communicate our fear of God and subjection to His will to our families and friends? It is critical. Families that started with “I do” are ending with “I won’t.” Are the words or thoughts of “I won’t” prevalent in your relationship with your wife or children? Who is the biggest influence in teaching the importance (or lack of importance) of the word “I” in our families? It is, as it was meant to be by God, the husband and father. Husbands and dads, do not doubt the fact that if you are not living a life in subjection to God as you should be, your wives and children cannot be in subjection to you as they should be. The whole system falls apart when the head of the household does not do his job correctly—and we are seeing this system failure throughout the world. Every husband and father should regularly study I Corinthians 13, Colossians 3, Ephesians 5, I Peter 3, Mark 10, Romans 7, I Corinthians 6 & 7 and other divinely-worded passages to direct, help and heal the Christian family’s home.
I have recently been praying that God would help me treat Jennifer, my wife, like Christ does the Church (Ephesians 5: 22-33). How much patience does Christ have with the Church? What does Christ make the Church do to earn His love? How much is Christ willing to give up in His own life for the Church? The applicable questions have gone on and on as has the humiliation of knowing that I have not been taking care of my responsibilities as prescribed by the One Who joined us together fifteen years ago. How could that happen? How could I have been wrong for so long without the marriage police coming to take me into custody or issue me a stern warning while clarifying the law for me? Men, God has given us his direction for our marriages and families in His Word, the Bible. We all have multiple copies of it resting on our shelves throughout our houses. Please understand my next statement in case no one has ever held you accountable before. You will be accountable to God for knowing His instruction for your family and living it during the short time that you have with them (John 12:42-50). As in Christ’s day, the “Pharisees” of our workplaces and social circles inhibit many men’s faith, threatening to withhold full acceptance to the organization or club unless men relinquish their allegiances to any belief structure counter to their own. If our allegiance to God is real, those pressures will be unable to influence a life already bought by Him and lived in subjection to its rightful owner.
Faking peace and solidarity in front of our families and friends does not give any indication to anyone else that we need help. In many homes, Christian ones especially, fear of scrutiny of shortcomings by others has led us to self-imposed exile on “islands” free from the potential for a brother or sister to give us that encouragement we need to better ourselves. Having isolated ourselves from God’s Word and His children who care about us, who do we have left to care whether our marriages and families crumble? No one, just as we planned. There is no marriage police. It is our responsibility as men to work long hours studying and praying. We must get our acts together first. Romans 5:8 reminds me that Christ showed His love for me in that He died for me before I made the choice to give my life to Him. Wouldn’t you agree that a wife who feels the undying and unconditional love of her husband will be much more likely to give her life to him freely than when she does not feel that love? Would you still want to be a Christian if Christ had not gone to the cross for you? It’s something worth thinking about. There is no other pattern. There is no other way. There is no shortcut.
I have found in my life’s experience, playing sports, operating in the corporate world and, best of all, being a dad, that boys and men want to be told what their difficult tasks are. They want to be told by someone who has the fire in their eyes, showing they have lived the tasks and know what it takes to succeed. God made men for difficult tasks. We are made in his image. We’re not supposed to be fulfilled by staring at electronic boxes in our dens or offices for hours on end. We are blessed with spirits that want to strive against opposition towards a goal and, upon reaching the goal, reap the reward. I have seen my boys’ facial expressions change as they work on a task as simple as helping me weed the garden. At first, they are overwhelmed and discouraged. Our garden is about 30’ x 42’. And when I talk about weeds, I don’t mean a few unwanted intruders in a well- maintained space. I mean weeds that have grown taller than the boys through months of neglect. We’re pulling these monsters to be able to see dirt again. After the progress of an hour or so, it is evident that our will to remove those weeds can overcome what seemed to be an insurmountable task. Just a few months ago, my boys and I spent about eight total hours cleaning out this space. We’re now eating cucumbers from there.. Curt, my oldest, told me after our first day in the garden, that he was glad he got to work with me. He said it made going out to eat, and maybe to a movie, later in the night seem more like a treat. Our children are starving to know there is more to life than mindless television, computers, and games. They want to know life is a hard journey. They want to know there will be times of great work and endurance. They want to know that there will be times of sacrifice. They want to learn to be selfless. They long to be in subjection to elders and those in leadership positions over them. They desperately seek the man who is supposed to personify all of this. His name is “Dad” and he is gone in many homes.
I want to close with a sort of an invitation. Would all of the husbands and dads reading this article join me in renewing our desires to be the presence in our homes that God intended us to be? It will not take many homes, if they are on the right track, to make a worldwide impact for good. This is not boring stuff. This is not easy stuff. We will sacrifice. We will experience hurt and disappointment. So did Christ. We’re in strong company. Satan would have us stay out of this battle altogether. He will not be pleased if even one decides to change his life and his family’s life with this rededication. It’s time to get back in the ring and fight.
Posted on 07/02/2009 1:19 PM by Bubba Ingram
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Get Back in the Ring
In this third segment concerning searching for the meaning of a man’s life, I would like to explore the impact a man can have on his family and friends when he knows and embraces the theme of his own life. A man must begin by understanding that God is the Alpha and Omega and the Author of his life (Revelation 22:12-13). God made us for His purpose only and has the answers to all of our questions. Matthew 10:28-39 stresses this fear of God and relinquishing all for Him. We discussed this in detail last month. A man living in subjection to the Almighty will demonstrate this to those closest to him in many ways. A critical method by which we show our love and subjection to God is by following his instruction in our relationships. Besides watching how a man cares for himself, one can observe a man’s treatment of his wife, children and friends and see some of the most obvious signs of his priorities and that for which he lives..
Life interrupted with a pertinent dose of reality as I was considering my thoughts for this article. Another husband and wife I know have separated. I am distraught. This is over half a dozen families in our circle of friends and/or fellow members at church in the last three years that are in the process of being torn apart. My continued prayer for them all is that they will be reconciled. Is it important that we communicate our fear of God and subjection to His will to our families and friends? It is critical. Families that started with “I do” are ending with “I won’t.” Are the words or thoughts of “I won’t” prevalent in your relationship with your wife or children? Who is the biggest influence in teaching the importance (or lack of importance) of the word “I” in our families? It is, as it was meant to be by God, the husband and father. Husbands and dads, do not doubt the fact that if you are not living a life in subjection to God as you should be, your wives and children cannot be in subjection to you as they should be. The whole system falls apart when the head of the household does not do his job correctly—and we are seeing this system failure throughout the world. Every husband and father should regularly study I Corinthians 13, Colossians 3, Ephesians 5, I Peter 3, Mark 10, Romans 7, I Corinthians 6 & 7 and other divinely-worded passages to direct, help and heal the Christian family’s home.
I have recently been praying that God would help me treat Jennifer, my wife, like Christ does the Church (Ephesians 5: 22-33). How much patience does Christ have with the Church? What does Christ make the Church do to earn His love? How much is Christ willing to give up in His own life for the Church? The applicable questions have gone on and on as has the humiliation of knowing that I have not been taking care of my responsibilities as prescribed by the One Who joined us together fifteen years ago. How could that happen? How could I have been wrong for so long without the marriage police coming to take me into custody or issue me a stern warning while clarifying the law for me? Men, God has given us his direction for our marriages and families in His Word, the Bible. We all have multiple copies of it resting on our shelves throughout our houses. Please understand my next statement in case no one has ever held you accountable before. You will be accountable to God for knowing His instruction for your family and living it during the short time that you have with them (John 12:42-50). As in Christ’s day, the “Pharisees” of our workplaces and social circles inhibit many men’s faith, threatening to withhold full acceptance to the organization or club unless men relinquish their allegiances to any belief structure counter to their own. If our allegiance to God is real, those pressures will be unable to influence a life already bought by Him and lived in subjection to its rightful owner.
Faking peace and solidarity in front of our families and friends does not give any indication to anyone else that we need help. In many homes, Christian ones especially, fear of scrutiny of shortcomings by others has led us to self-imposed exile on “islands” free from the potential for a brother or sister to give us that encouragement we need to better ourselves. Having isolated ourselves from God’s Word and His children who care about us, who do we have left to care whether our marriages and families crumble? No one, just as we planned. There is no marriage police. It is our responsibility as men to work long hours studying and praying. We must get our acts together first. Romans 5:8 reminds me that Christ showed His love for me in that He died for me before I made the choice to give my life to Him. Wouldn’t you agree that a wife who feels the undying and unconditional love of her husband will be much more likely to give her life to him freely than when she does not feel that love? Would you still want to be a Christian if Christ had not gone to the cross for you? It’s something worth thinking about. There is no other pattern. There is no other way. There is no shortcut.
I have found in my life’s experience, playing sports, operating in the corporate world and, best of all, being a dad, that boys and men want to be told what their difficult tasks are. They want to be told by someone who has the fire in their eyes, showing they have lived the tasks and know what it takes to succeed. God made men for difficult tasks. We are made in his image. We’re not supposed to be fulfilled by staring at electronic boxes in our dens or offices for hours on end. We are blessed with spirits that want to strive against opposition towards a goal and, upon reaching the goal, reap the reward. I have seen my boys’ facial expressions change as they work on a task as simple as helping me weed the garden. At first, they are overwhelmed and discouraged. Our garden is about 30’ x 42’. And when I talk about weeds, I don’t mean a few unwanted intruders in a well- maintained space. I mean weeds that have grown taller than the boys through months of neglect. We’re pulling these monsters to be able to see dirt again. After the progress of an hour or so, it is evident that our will to remove those weeds can overcome what seemed to be an insurmountable task. Just a few months ago, my boys and I spent about eight total hours cleaning out this space. We’re now eating cucumbers from there.. Curt, my oldest, told me after our first day in the garden, that he was glad he got to work with me. He said it made going out to eat, and maybe to a movie, later in the night seem more like a treat. Our children are starving to know there is more to life than mindless television, computers, and games. They want to know life is a hard journey. They want to know there will be times of great work and endurance. They want to know that there will be times of sacrifice. They want to learn to be selfless. They long to be in subjection to elders and those in leadership positions over them. They desperately seek the man who is supposed to personify all of this. His name is “Dad” and he is gone in many homes.
I want to close with a sort of an invitation. Would all of the husbands and dads reading this article join me in renewing our desires to be the presence in our homes that God intended us to be? It will not take many homes, if they are on the right track, to make a worldwide impact for good. This is not boring stuff. This is not easy stuff. We will sacrifice. We will experience hurt and disappointment. So did Christ. We’re in strong company. Satan would have us stay out of this battle altogether. He will not be pleased if even one decides to change his life and his family’s life with this rededication. It’s time to get back in the ring and fight. Posted on 03/29/2009 11:03 PM by Bubba Ingram
Saturday, 21 February 2009
The Heart fo the Matter - I do...
Having looked into the tearful eyes of parents whose children have abandoned the Faith, I have learned there are a million miles between our children “going through the motions” in reference to their spiritual lives versus our children possessing hearts that dictate their actions. In this column, I plan to share with you what I hope to instill in the hearts of my own children and those whom I love.
It used to be uncommon and unspoken. However, today divorce has reached epidemic proportions. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the ratio of marriages to divorces is 2 to 1. While a husband and wife may vow to love one another in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, and for better and worse, the reality is that many individuals only stick around during times of wealth, health, and happiness. Many people can remember years ago, when parents in America would often have many children. Today children oftentimes have many parents. Sadly, the concept of commitment has been lost in our “disposable” and “instant gratification” world. There is no doubt that the tentacles of divorce reach deeply inside most—if not all—church families. And those tentacles have caused many problems throughout the body of Christ. While we don’t talk about it much for fear we may offend some, this topic desperately needs to be addressed in order to stem the epidemic.
Here’s what I intend on teaching my children about divorce.
A good marriage is one of the richest blessings you will ever know. It is an institution that was formed by God (Genesis 2:22-24). While we pray that you are able to experience it one day, we want each one of you to realize that you do not have to be married or be a parent to serve God faithfully. Consider for a moment all of the Biblical examples of faithful individuals who were single or barren/childless (e.g., Paul, Dorcas, King David’s wife Michal).
Believe it or not, your mother and I have been praying for you and your future spouses (and even their parents!) since before you were born. This topic is so crucial that we believe the time to start teaching you the importance of marriage and relationships is not when you are a teenager, but rather from your toddler years on up. Aside from your decision to be a Christian and your relationship with God, there is nothing more important on this planet. This special person will either help or hinder your journey to Heaven. Our prayer is that your mate will be a strong Christian who can help you in your spiritual journey. We hope that as you grow and mature you will select someone with which to spend your life who has similar values and priorities..
Make no mistake about it, good marriages take a great deal of work. You won’t receive a “how-to” book along with your marriage certificate. This is one reason it is so important to keep your marriage God-centered. The relationship you see daily between your mom and me did not happen overnight. We have been together through good years and bad. We have had to learn how to communicate effectively with one another, how to fight fair, how to compromise, and how to let our words be reflected in our actions. With each happy memory and each trial, our relationship has deepened and grown. However, even after being married as long as we have, we still have to invest time and energy into our marriage. That is why we try to regularly have “date night” without any children present—to reconnect, rekindle, and grow our own relationship.
Your mother and I have a rule that divorce “is not even an option.” We made this pledge to one another very early in our marriage, and it has been comforting during times of trial. The Bible is clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Never forget that God joins you together with your mate (Matthew 19:6), and His original intention was that man and woman remain married until death (Mark 10:2-9). Study carefully Matthew 19:8, where Jesus explains that while divorces were permitted because of the hardness of their hearts, but “from the beginning it was not so.”
Keep your marriage intact and avoid divorce! Invest time and energy in one another. If you feel things are spiraling out of control talk to your parents, preacher, elders, or godly friends. (Don’t confide problems to a friend of the opposite sex, as that can often lead to danger.) Find a happily married, faithful couple with whom you can spend time and glean wisdom. Take time to find activities that both you and your spouse enjoy, and do those. Be willing to compromise. And do your best to never take your spouse for granted. The Bible is the best source for how men are to love their wives (Ephesians 5:25) and how wives are to treat their husbands (Titus 2:4-5; Ephesians 22-23). That’s a whole different topic!
In Matthew 19, Jesus outlines the only allowance for divorce and remarriage—sexual immorality (verse 9). That’s it. Divorce and remarriage is not allowed simply for irreconcilable differences or because one party is no longer happy. Many people have tried to manipulate this passage to find exceptions or make loopholes. In fact, many men with advanced degrees have desperately tried to argue that they possess a “newfound wisdom” about what this Scripture actually means. But as we have taught you from childhood, you don’t need advanced degrees to understand the important matters of the Bible. God is able to effectively communicate His plan on marriage and divorce.
Never change your views on Biblical matters simply because it has become personal. Remember, God is immutable (Malachi 3:6)—He and His Word do not change. It is usually the case that those trying to conjure up “exceptions” to Jesus’ teaching on marriage have personal stakes involved. For instance, maybe their children, other relatives, or friends have divorced for reasons other than sexual immorality, and they want to find a way for them to remarry. But the Scriptures are clear.
Many try to offer excuses to justify divorce and remarriage such as, “One party was not baptized at the point of marriage,”, or “Children are involved,” or “The original intent was not for a biblical permanent marriage.” They use mental gymnastics to find loopholes between Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7:10-13. Remember, these commands were written to believers and unbelievers, thus baptism does not alter an adulterous marriage. Notice that 1 Corinthians 7:10 clearly states: “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” The decision to marry is important and should not be entered into lightly, or because of temporal lust. Your mom and I agree that rather than jumping through hoops and rearranging the original intent looking for a “way out” years later, your time would be better invested in creating and building a healthy marriage that includes God.
This is why trust is so vital in a marriage. Go the extra mile and give your spouse information as to where you will be—don’t leave them wondering. Post a copy of your wedding picture or vows to your computer. Keep that golden band on your finger as a constant reminder.
On the day your mom and I said our wedding vows the man who baptized me read a poem that I want to share. It’s titled “Marriage Still Takes Three” (author unknown). I look forward to reading it at your wedding one day in the future. I once thought marriage took
Just two to make a go,
But now I am convinced
It takes the Lord also.
And not one marriage fails
Where Christ is asked to enter,
As lovers come together
With Jesus at the center.
But marriage seldom thrives,
And homes are incomplete,
Till He is welcomed there
To help avoid defeat.
In homes where Christ is first,
It's obvious to see,
Those unions really work,
For marriage still takes three. Love, Dad
P.S. While you may not welcome the idea, your mom and I really like the idea of “prearranged marriages,” so we are happily accepting applications from faithful parents of children your age.
Posted on 02/21/2009 3:46 PM by Dr. Brad Harrub
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