Here are the Blogs in the children category.
Thursday, 27 May 2010
Color Blind
 Having looked into the tearful eyes of parents whose children have abandoned the Faith, I have learned there are a million miles between our children “going through the motions” in reference to their spiritual lives versus our children possessing hearts that dictate their actions. In this column, I plan to share with you what I hope to instill in the hearts of my own children and those whom I love.
It is refreshing and a blessing that young children are color blind. Spend a few minutes at a local park and watch small children playing together—they don’t notice skin color. Children are quick to accept and quick to identify their new playmate as a “friend,” but slow to notice color. Sadly, by age 7-10, children begin to notice, as witnessed by changes in behavior. Whether this perception is initiated from parents or other children is not clear, but these “differences” are sometimes translated into how they treat one another.
This difference often becomes more noticeable in adults—sometimes even within the church. Sadly, some congregations remain deliberately segregated. While we preach about diversity and everyone having a special role in the body of Christ, we may not always promote or celebrate diversity—because for many it is not comfortable. It would be a shame if pulpits heralded messages about loving all people, while dark hallways echoed the sounds of racial slurs and jokes. It is possible for Christians to use terms like “brothers and sisters in the faith,” while treating individuals of different color like “step-families.”
Teens will see this dichotomy if they hear people promoting equality while they witness deliberate segregation in the church. They will listen and know that the words of Christians don’t necessarily match their actions. Perhaps through the years many congregations have been mentally labeled “hypocrites” by teens who find this behavior repugnant.
Here’s what I intend on teaching my children about skin color and racism.
There is no question that the Bible teaches there is only one race—the human race. God created mankind in His image and in His likeness (Genesis 1:26-27). Humans were the pinnacle of His creative activities. The Bible clearly states that all of the lineage of humanity came through one woman, Eve. She is defined as the “mother of all living” (Genesis 3:20). Never forget that we are all related—going back first to Noah and his family (Genesis 7:7,13; 1 Peter 3:20), and ultimately to Adam and Eve (Genesis 2).
Whatever the color of someone’s skin, remember that he has a soul that is precious to God. Never forget that God desires all men to be saved (1 Timothy 2:4). During your life you will hear individuals—even Christians—begin conversations by saying, “I’m not racist, but…” But what?! Paul declared, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise” (Galatians 3:28-29).
When David—one of your favorite Biblical heroes—was about to be anointed the next king, we learned in reference to his brother, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees;for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’” (1 Samuel 16:7). I pray that you will do likewise and look inward instead of outward.
There may be times you hear Christians whom you admire of one color or another utter hateful generalizations against people of a different color. I encourage you not to give ear to this kind of talk. One wonders if these individuals secretly believe (or hope) that there will be a Heaven for each individual race? Never forget Christ is the Savior of all people—no matter what their skin looks like. Do what you can to bridge mankind together. Don’t allow the hypocrisy of others to turn you away from your Creator. I pray that you will teach your children that there really is only one race. While you don’t remember it today, there were many nights that you were rocked to sleep with me or your mom singing, “Jesus loves the little children, All the children of the world, Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.” Live it and pass it on.
Love,
Dad
Posted on 05/27/2010 2:56 PM by Dr. Brad Harrub
Thursday, 27 May 2010
When A Father’s Heart Has Turned To God
Last month’s article was about the disciplining of our children’s hearts. Only when we do this will our children become true warriors for God. But how do fathers reach the hearts of their wives and children? We must have our hearts turned toward God and “Keep (our) heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23). We must understand that it is through Christ that our hearts are turned toward our families (Malachi 4:4-6, Luke 1:16-17), and we must have a genuine, heart-relationship with God. Only then can we understand and care for the hearts of our families.
It is interesting to note in Malachi 4:4-6 that fathers turning their hearts to their children (and home) was going to be the sign of the times with respect to the Son of God coming down from Heaven. In addition, it is the dad’s heart that was turned first. So what does it mean for us as men to turn our hearts to family and children? It is very similar to a person’s repentance in Acts 2:38. It means to take a step back, re-examine our lives, determine if we are living according to God’s will or our own, and changing our minds for the better.
How many of us fathers do not have our hearts turned toward God, home, and family? I have been told that an American father spends an average of six minutes per day with his children, 35 seconds of which is undivided attention. While more time spent with family does not equal a stronger heart bond, only with time will a heart bond be formed. We see God outlining this family plan in Deuteronomy 6.
Our wives and children must know that they are special to us and that they are made in God’s image. We fathers must admit that those whom God has entrusted to us get some of their sense of worth based on how we interact with them. We must dedicate ourselves to this to counter the many in society who see wives and children as a burden. I don’t care for jokes made about large families—you know, with more than three kids, as if such could ONLY be accidental and not joyfully deliberate. The American culture with its urbanization, industrialization, transportation, consumerism, and feminism (along with other issues) has contributed to fathers losing the hearts of their children and wives by turning fathers away both directly and indirectly. These things can cause families to think and act like disconnected individuals. They are separate people with separate goals living in the same house, instead of one united family striving together toward Heaven.
Men sadly cultivate this weakness when their time is spent in pursuit of their own goals and dreams, when their families are pushed to the side, or when they are engaged in their own forms of entertainment and enjoyment to the neglect of their families. It is also cultivated when we lose our temper, become enraged, or try to control through intimidation (Colossians 3:21, James 1:19-20). So many times it appears that our own pride and selfishness causes this splintering of families.
Have we lost the hearts of our wives and children and have yet to realize it? How can we know? The answer is simple: Where do they turn when they hunger for attention, or seek guidance and counsel? Do they come to you Dad? Do they speak unkindly of you in public to their friends or relatives or with respect? Do they come to you seeking God’s answers because they see Him living in you? Do they ask you to pray to the Father in Heaven for them?
Our role as fathers is in no way to replace God as He is their Heavenly Father, but it is our responsibility to exemplify God and live our lives according to the standard and pattern set out in Scripture. If we are unsure how to do this, we simply need to reread the descriptions of the crucifixion and study Ephesians 5:23-33 where the relationship between Christ and the church is related to a man and wife. Then we must apply those principles in our families.
I want to say one last thing: The very writing of this article has helped to remind me of what I want for my family. It helped me to refocus and redirect my life towards God and home. I hope it will do the same for you.
Posted on 05/27/2010 2:58 PM by David W. Longley, DO
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Heart Discipline
“To be or not to be: that is the question” is a phrase we all know from Shakespeare’s play Hamlet. When it comes to raising children, the question we ought to pose as parents should be “To discipline or not to discipline.”
There have been volumes written on how to discipline a child. Everywhere you look there are people willing to give their expert opinion on how to best discipline a child and what techniques are best. Parents of newborns get “expert” opinions from friends, family, and those who can’t wait to share all their knowledge on child-rearing (such as those waiting in line around you at the grocery store). Bookstores are filled with books and magazines on the semantics of actually “how to” discipline. Today’s “experts,” some of who have never had children, are either for or against a whole spectrum of discipline ranging from spanking, to time out, to talking to your child in order to discuss how his behavior is inappropriate.
It is good to have lots of ideas on the “how to’s” of discipline since all children will not respond to the same form of discipline. But since we are rearing children to be faithful Christians and arrows for God’s kingdom (Psalm 127), we should be concerned not so much with the behavior as we are with the heart that led to that behavior.
The Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20 states the church is to “make disciples of all nations.” We commonly use this passage when referring to spreading the Gospel message, but doesn’t this begin with our own children? When we evangelize, aren’t we trying to turn hearts to the Lord? Should parents not also be molding and turning the hearts of their children to the Lord? We should not just be correcting them for their outward behavior, but using that as a base upon which to evangelize, or disciple, them.
So is there a difference between disciplining and discipling? Not really. As parents, our discipline should be aimed at the heart, which in turn can help make a disciple of our children. The two go hand in hand. The phrase “disciple our children” may seem a little archaic, yet at the same time it brings to mind the goal of discipline—turning their hearts, minds, and might to God.
On the other hand, disciplining and discipling are different. Look at the Pharisees during the time of Christ. They were very disciplined in their behavior but were not true disciples. In their eyes they were doing all the right things, but in fact their hearts were not turned toward God.
Discipling is more involved than just punishing a child for a wrongdoing. It is a process that takes much longer. In Deuteronomy 6:4-5, we are given the “greatest” command. Following that in verses 6 and 7, we are told, “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” Discipling of children is something that is done on a continual basis, day in and day out.
In Ephesians 6:4 fathers are specifically instructed to “bring [their children] up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” This is not only referring to behavior correction, but also to teaching and training them as we are walking, sitting, lying, riding, resting, etc., alongside our children. We are influencing them even when we do not realize it. All parents have observed this because they’ve see their own kids naturally acting them same way they do.
One great example of discipling is seen with Christ and the twelve Apostles. For two years, Jesus walked with, talked with, and stayed with twelve men whom He chose to be His apostles. He trained and taught them right from wrong. He corrected them when they were wrong so they would understand how to live. Jesus wanted a relationship with them as He does us today. Jesus wanted their hearts as God wants ours. Christ’s discipline brought about disciples.
Another example is seen with God in the Garden of Eden as He related to Adam and Eve. God could very easily have miraculously and instantaneously given man all he needed to know in order to follow Him and live in this world, but He didn’t. He walked with Adam, talked with Adam, and taught Adam. God wanted a heart relationship with man and not simply robots to follow and do His will.
Punishment, which may be necessary for children, does not always reach to the hearts of children. Simple, quick discipline doesn’t necessarily correct the heart problem that led to the sin. Disciplining may get our children to act right but will not always get them to have a penitent heart. We are called to be diligent in the pursuit of our children’s hearts with hope that they will turn to God, and be steadily transformed into great disciples of Christ. Discipling takes time, physical and mental energy, and an active love. Our role as parents will be as disciplinarians at times, but let us not forget our responsibility to disciple our children. Posted on 05/26/2010 1:26 PM by David W. Longley, D.O.
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Heart of the Matter – Blessings
Having looked into the tearful eyes of parents whose children have abandoned the Faith, I have learned that there are a million miles between our children “going through the motions” in reference to their spiritual lives versus our children possessing hearts that dictate their actions. In this column I want to share with you what I hope to instill in the hearts of my own children and those whom I love.
The difference is palpable—and tragic. Watch a visiting family with two young children enter a church building and the response you witness is overwhelming. People go out of their way (literally) to meet these new visitors and share with them what their congregation has to offer children. But consider for a moment the response to a family who walks in, followed behind by six or seven children. The response is not as overwhelming. In fact, she is often viewed as odd, irresponsible, not financially wise, lower class, or socially ignorant. More often than not, Christians steer very clear of extremely large families. After all, society has successfully convinced us that “two” is the magic number for children. (Of course there is the unwritten rule that you can try one more time if the first two were the same sex.) Even from the pulpit we hear a preacher joking about “the close call” of he and his wife thinking they might be pregnant. Fact of the matter is, this is not a joking subject.
How sad is it to hear a preacher teach a powerful lesson on children and the home only to realize that his actions are teaching a totally different lesson. I have listened firsthand to a preacher give counsel about the “wisdom” of only having one or two children—and that anything more than that is “foolish.” This same preacher would then mount the pulpit and preach a tear-jerking lesson on Psalm 127 and children. While his voice spoke one message, his life and his actions spoke an entirely different message. There are some Christians who need to really re-evaluate their view of children in the light of God’s Word.
Here’s what I intend on teaching my children about the blessings of children.
Not a morning passes by in our house when your mom and I are not thankful for the sounds of little feet and tender young voices. We feel incredibly blessed by God to have children, and we pray that you will be able to experience the same joys of parenthood.
I’m not exactly sure of the precise date of when children went from being considered a blessing to being considered baggage, but unfortunately I have witnessed it countless times. Parents oftentimes view the existence of their children as competition for their own personal desires and wishes. At some point along the way, parents began to value prosperity more than posterity. I hope that you will boldly reject society’s view of children. Never look upon children as a burden or an expense. Sure, we need to be financially responsible—but children are not a tally mark we put under the “expense” column.
Sadly, many parents today do not even like their children. The responsibility for rearing these children is given to anyone and everyone—except their own parents (see Deuteronomy 6:4-9—a passage directed toward parents). In some homes, children are treated as just another piece of property, a commodity, or a showpiece to be trotted out when guests visit. Parents have forgotten that they are responsible to return the souls of their children to God, and that every soul is precious (Matthew 16:24-26).
Every time you see a child’s face, I hope that the first thought that enters your mind will be “a blessing from God.” The inspired psalmist observed, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward” (Psalm 127:3). It then continues by saying, “Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.” When you see a family enter a church building with many children, I hope you will remind yourself and that mother how blessed she truly is. Solomon wrote, “Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father” (Proverbs 17:6). I’m looking forward to that crown! While I don’t know God’s plan for each one of you, I do pray you enjoy parenthood—whether it be you physically having children or adopting little ones into your family. I wish for you a full quiver so that you too can experience the love, joys, and happiness that you have brought your mother and me.
Love,
Dad Posted on 11/17/2009 12:35 PM by Dr. Brad Harrub
Monday, 6 July 2009
What could the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) mean to your family?
The Governmental Potter
"Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future." John F. Kennedy penned these words of truth, and they serve as a vivid reminder of the importance of our children. Paul, through inspiration, admonished the fathers in Ephesus bring their children "up in the training and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4). The Bible is replete with both commands and examples of the parental responsibility of rearing children to fear God and keep His commandments. Indeed, children are unmolded clay that will forge future governments, businesses, and the church. However, if many politicians have their way, the molding process for those children is about to be transformed and placed squarely into the hands of the government.
A piece of legislation is quietly resurfacing in the United States that Christians need to familiarize themselves with. All countries except two (the United States and Somalia) have adopted the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC). As such, America is under heavy pressure to adopt this treaty and join the other nations that have signed on. While this basics of this treaty sound appealing—protecting children from various types of abuse and neglect—the truth reveals that veiled under legal jargon is the undoing of the American family home. This treaty places strips away parents’ rights and elevates children’s rights, allowing the United Nations to dictate how American children are brought up.
A quick history lesson
From the beginning of our country’s inception there has never been a question as to parents possessing the right to raise their children. Parental rights were so fundamental and basic that not much thought was ever given to laws declaring the parents’ rights. Even though parental rights are not specifically mentioned in the United States Constitution or the amendments, there have been several court opinions that make it clear that the state does not control the upbringing of children. For instance, eighty years ago the Supreme Court declared that "the child is not the mere creature of the State; those who nurture him and direct his destiny have the right, coupled with the high duty, to recognize and prepare him for additional obligations." Pierce v. Society of Sisters, 268 U.S. 510 (1925). More recently the Court upheld this line of reasoning with the declaration that the "primary role of the parents in the upbringing of their children is now established It was unspoken that parental rights were a part of the fundamental foundation of our nation’s heritage.
Change is in the wind
Those rights are in real danger of being completely stripped away. Because of the UNCRC status as a "treaty," the U.S. Constitution mandates that it is supreme to any state laws regarding children and parents. Thus this treaty would supersede any state law. And sadly, this treaty has the support of many Washington politicians. For instance, President Obama supports the UNCRC, as does Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. In fact, Clinton has been promoting this treaty for over twenty years. One of the most liberal senators in office, Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) has "promised" that this treaty will be ratified during this term of Congress. So exactly what changes do these politicians want to bring to the American family? Carefully consider what the UNCRC proposes:
- Good parents would no longer be entitled to the legal presumption that they act in the best interests of their children. Instead, the government would have the authority to overrule all parents on any decision concerning the child if the government believed it could make a better decision.
- Parents could no longer spank their children—even in the home.
- Children would have the legal right to choose their own religion. Parents would be permitted only to give advice.
- Children would acquire a legally enforceable right to leisure.
- Christian schools that refuse to teach "alternative worldviews" and teach that Christianity is the only true religion "fly in the face of article 29" of the treaty.
- Allowing parents to opt their children out of sex education has been held to be out of compliance with the UNCRC.
- Children would have the right to reproductive health information and services, including abortions, without parental knowledge or consent.
- A murderer aged 17 years and 11 months and 29 days at the time of his crime could no longer be sentenced to life in prison.
- America would be under a binding legal obligation to massively increase its federal spending on children’s programs because it states the nation cannot spend more on defense than on children’s welfare.
- A child’s "right to be heard" would allow him (or her) to seek governmental review of every parental decision with which the child disagreed.
(Adapted from "20 Things You Need to Know About the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child" )
An Experiment Gone Bad
Several years ago, Washington State tried to adopt an UNCRC-type policy for their state. The result was a legal nightmare for both parents and children. As evidence, consider the following two cases that occurred as a result of the law as reported by Michael Farris on www.parentalrights.org:
Case #1 A thirteen-year-old boy in Washington State was removed from his parents after he complained to school counselors that his parents took him to church too often. His school counselors had encouraged him to call Child Protective Services with his complaint, which led to his subsequent removal and placement in foster care. It was only after the parents agreed to a judge's requirement of less-frequent church attendance that they were able to recover their son.
Case #2 In the early 1980s, a landmark parental rights case reached the Washington State Supreme Court. The case involved 13-year-old Sheila Marie Sumey, whose parents were alarmed when they found evidence of their daughter's participation in illegal drug activity and escalating sexual involvement. Their response was to act immediately to cut off the negative influences in their daughter's life by grounding her.
But when Sheila went to her school counselors complaining about her parent's actions, she was advised that she could be liberated from her parents because there was "conflict between parent and child." Listening to the advice she had received, Sheila notified Child Protective Services (CPS) about her situation. She was subsequently removed from her home and placed in foster care.
Her parents, desperate to get their daughter back, challenged the actions of the social workers in court. They lost. Even though the judge found that Sheila's parents had enforced reasonable rules in a proper manner, the state law nevertheless gave CPS the authority to split apart the Sumey family and take Sheila away.
In an interview years later, Shelia stated that what the court should have done was rebuke her and send her back to her parents. By breaching the door open into our homes, the courts have allowed more and more judges to deny the role of parents, opting instead for governmental intervention for the family. If the UNCRC passed it would give Congress the power to directly legislate on all subjects necessary to comply with the treaty. The family home would become a ward of the federal government. It would also set precedent and become the largest shift of power from the states to the federal government in American history.
"What Can We Do About it?"
One of the questions I’m asked most frequently by Christians is this: "What can we do about it?" That’s a valid question, and one that needs to be addressed whenever problems are presented. The three things I would strongly urge Christians to consider are: (1) contact your state representatives and let them know you don’t want them supporting this treaty; (2) visit www.parentalrights.org and read the information they have on creating an amendment to protect children by empowering parents through the passage of the Parental Rights Amendment to the U.S. Constitution (While I’m not one who favors adding lots of amendments to our Constitution, I think this one is now necessary); and (3) help get the word out. Isn’t it time Christians stand up and protect our most valuable resource? Posted on 07/06/2009 2:51 PM by Dr. Brad Harrub
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