In this third segment concerning searching for the meaning of a man’s life, I would like to explore the impact a man can have on his family and friends when he knows and embraces the theme of his own life. A man must begin by understanding that God is the Alpha and Omega and the Author of his life (Revelation 22:12-13). God made us for His purpose only and has the answers to all of our questions. Matthew 10:28-39 stresses this fear of God and relinquishing all for Him. We discussed this in detail last month. A man living in subjection to the Almighty will demonstrate this to those closest to him in many ways. A critical method by which we show our love and subjection to God is by following his instruction in our relationships. Besides watching how a man cares for himself, one can observe a man’s treatment of his wife, children and friends and see some of the most obvious signs of his priorities and that for which he lives..

Life interrupted with a pertinent dose of reality as I was considering my thoughts for this article. Another husband and wife I know have separated. I am distraught. This is over half a dozen families in our circle of friends and/or fellow members at church in the last three years that are in the process of being torn apart. My continued prayer for them all is that they will be reconciled. Is it important that we communicate our fear of God and subjection to His will to our families and friends? It is critical. Families that started with “I do” are ending with “I won’t.” Are the words or thoughts of “I won’t” prevalent in your relationship with your wife or children? Who is the biggest influence in teaching the importance (or lack of importance) of the word “I” in our families? It is, as it was meant to be by God, the husband and father. Husbands and dads, do not doubt the fact that if you are not living a life in subjection to God as you should be, your wives and children cannot be in subjection to you as they should be. The whole system falls apart when the head of the household does not do his job correctly—and we are seeing this system failure throughout the world. Every husband and father should regularly study I Corinthians 13, Colossians 3, Ephesians 5, I Peter 3, Mark 10, Romans 7, I Corinthians 6 & 7 and other divinely-worded passages to direct, help and heal the Christian family’s home. 

I have recently been praying that God would help me treat Jennifer, my wife, like Christ does the Church (Ephesians 5: 22-33).  How much patience does Christ have with the Church? What does Christ make the Church do to earn His love? How much is Christ willing to give up in His own life for the Church? The applicable questions have gone on and on as has the humiliation of knowing that I have not been taking care of my responsibilities as prescribed by the One Who joined us together fifteen years ago. How could that happen? How could I have been wrong for so long without the marriage police coming to take me into custody or issue me a stern warning while clarifying the law for me? Men, God has given us his direction for our marriages and families in His Word, the Bible. We all have multiple copies of it resting on our shelves throughout our houses. Please understand my next statement in case no one has ever held you accountable before. You will be accountable to God for knowing His instruction for your family and living it during the short time that you have with them (John 12:42-50). As in Christ’s day, the “Pharisees” of our workplaces and social circles inhibit many men’s faith, threatening to withhold full acceptance to the organization or club unless men relinquish their allegiances to any belief structure counter to their own. If our allegiance to God is real, those pressures will be unable to influence a life already bought by Him and lived in subjection to its rightful owner. 

Faking peace and solidarity in front of our families and friends does not give any indication to anyone else that we need help.  In many homes, Christian ones especially, fear of scrutiny of shortcomings by others has led us to self-imposed exile on “islands” free from the potential for a brother or sister to give us that encouragement we need to better ourselves. Having isolated ourselves from God’s Word and His children who care about us, who do we have left to care whether our marriages and families crumble? No one, just as we planned. There is no marriage police. It is our responsibility as men to work  long hours studying and praying. We must get our acts together first. Romans 5:8 reminds me that Christ showed His love for me in that He died for me before I made the choice to give my life to Him. Wouldn’t you agree that a wife who feels the undying and unconditional love of her husband will be much more likely to give her life to him freely than when she does not feel that love? Would you still want to be a Christian if Christ had not gone to the cross for you? It’s something worth thinking about.  There is no other pattern. There is no other way. There is no shortcut. 

I have found in my life’s experience, playing sports, operating in the corporate world and, best of all, being a dad, that boys and men want to be told what their difficult tasks are. They want to be told by someone who has the fire in their eyes, showing they have lived the tasks and know what it takes to succeed. God made men for difficult tasks. We are made in his image. We’re not supposed to be fulfilled by staring at electronic boxes in our dens or offices for hours on end. We are blessed with spirits that want to strive against opposition towards a goal and, upon reaching the goal, reap the reward. I have seen my boys’ facial expressions change as they work on a task as simple as helping me weed the garden. At first, they are overwhelmed and discouraged. Our garden is about 30’ x 42’. And when I talk about weeds, I don’t mean a few unwanted intruders in a well- maintained space. I mean weeds that have grown taller than the boys through months of neglect. We’re pulling these monsters to be able to see dirt again. After the progress of an hour or so, it is evident that our will to remove those weeds can overcome what seemed to be an insurmountable task. Just a few months ago, my boys and I spent about eight total hours cleaning out this space. We’re now eating cucumbers from there.. Curt, my oldest, told me after our first day in the garden, that he was glad he got to work with me. He said it made going out to eat, and maybe to a movie, later in the night seem more like a treat. Our children are starving to know there is more to life than mindless television, computers, and games. They want to know life is a hard journey. They want to know there will be times of great work and endurance. They want to know that there will be times of sacrifice. They want to learn to be selfless. They long to be in subjection to elders and those in leadership positions over them. They desperately seek the man who is supposed to personify all of this. His name is “Dad” and he is gone in many homes.

I want to close with a sort of an invitation. Would all of the husbands and dads reading this article join me in renewing our desires to be the presence in our homes that God intended us to be? It will not take many homes, if they are on the right track, to make a worldwide impact for good. This is not boring stuff. This is not easy stuff. We will sacrifice. We will experience hurt and disappointment. So did Christ. We’re in strong company. Satan would have us stay out of this battle altogether. He will not be pleased if even one decides to change his life and his family’s life with this rededication. It’s time to get back in the ring and fight.