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Marriage in America�A �Sea of Change�?
When you hear the names Kobe Bryant, David Letterman, Bill Clinton, Mark Sanford, Magic Johnson, John Edwards, and Tiger Woods, what one thing comes to mind connecting them all? If you said that each of them has undergone public scrutiny for infidelity within their marriages then you’re in touch with the headlines. You are informed and probably more so than you really want to be.
Infidelity amongst high profile individuals is something the media loves to cover; however, infidelity within the homes in your subdivision probably won’t make the evening news. If they tried to cover them, they would not get the viewer ratings. Consequently, in our society it’s just not that “big-of-a-deal,” and that’s sad! Souls are in danger, marriages are being destroyed, yet for some reason we don’t respond the same to the “everyday affair” as we do to the celebrity affair.
Although most who are guilty don’t want to admit it, some estimates have shown that in America today as many as 60% of men and 40% of women have extramarital affairs. There are even websites that have been created that are completely dedicated to helping facilitate such. One such site, Ashleymadison.com, boasts of having over 5 million members, and their trademarked tagline is “Life is Short, Have an Affair.” On “Good Morning America,” Noel Biderman, CEO of the company, summarized the success by stating that the website “cannibaliz[es] existing behavior and helps facilitate affairs for those who wish to have them” (March 19, 2009). If that weren’t disturbing enough, in an interview with CNN, Biderman stated, “We are at the cutting edge of something. The institution of marriage is undergoing a sea of change and Ashley Madison will be a part of that” (September 2008).
If marriage is truly undergoing a “sea of change,” how are we as Christians supposed to respond, especially when it comes to equipping our children and grandchildren to be prepared to have lasting marriages in the midst of a society that pushes anything but? How are we to respond to make sure our own marriages are solid and secure? Consider the following:
1. Always Model a Christ-Centered Marriage
In a recent study conducted by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, it was discovered that there has been in a major increase in the birth rate among teens in 26 states. In the same study, 80% of the parents responded that it was their responsibility to teach their children about sex. If that’s the case, who’s failing, the schools or the parents? With the majority of Americans professing a belief in Christianity, one would assume they would also teach the concept of Hebrews 13:4 to their children—“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (NASB). When marriage is held as that precious, then our own souls will not be put at risk because of an affair, and our children will see that in our attitudes and our commitment to our spouses.
2. Be Very Careful of Your Media Habits
The Kaiser Family Foundation recently released (January 2010) a study showing young people ages 8-18 spend the equivalent of 10 hours and 45 minutes in the world of media every day. Who’s monitoring what they watch and what they listen to? Often no one is. Parents and grandparents, often unsuspectingly, purchase the latest music and video games for their teens to consume unaware of the messages of sex and sensuality filling today’s charts. With every passing evening, shows like the 2010 Golden Globe winner for Best Television Series for a Drama, “Mad Men,” described as sexy and provocative, fill the screen for our “viewing pleasure.” Parents and children alike tune into “family programming” such as ABC’s “Modern Family” where two of the main characters are homosexual men living together and rearing a child.
Why is it that our society chooses to ignore Paul’s teaching to set our minds on things that are “honorable, right, pure, or lovely” (Philippians 4:8)? If you truly want to make sure your marriage is stronger and something children and grandchildren can look to as an example, then remember, “…whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption…” (Galatians 6:7, NASB).
3. Communicate with Each Other
There is never just one reason why extramarital affairs occur; however, there are some common threads seen in multiple cases. One such thread is a lack of spousal interaction. We get too busy with work, the kids, or just with life and before too long, we’re living with a total stranger—our spouse.
The apostle Paul wrote, “…Because of immoralities , each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2, 3, NASB). He will go on to write in verse 5, “Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (NASB). Husbands, how are your wives supposed to know what you need if you don’t talk to them about it? And wives, how will your husbands ever know how you feel if you remain silent? Satan knows when and where we are weak, and he will unleash his fury in the voids in our lives. An increase in spousal interaction will be a shield that will help deter and defend the sanctity of your marriage, and your children and grandchildren will notice that.
A “sea of change”? Maybe Biderman was right. Things have definitely changed in America, but that doesn’t mean that God has changed nor have His views of marriage.
