Several years ago, I was given a book that changed my entire perspective on dating and courtship. After reading it, I was convinced the current American dating model must be abandoned by Christians if we are going to save our children.
We have very few examples of dating in the Bible, and all of them are found in the Old Testament. One of the more notable accounts is found in the selection of Rebekah for Isaac.
And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, “Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac” (Genesis 24:2-4 KJV).
Abraham was not going to allow chance and good fortune to determine whom his son married. His love for God and his son manifested itself in direct parental involvement in this monumental decision.
Furthermore, the New Testament sets forth principles to guide parents as they help their children find a mate. “Flee also youthful lusts…” (2 Timothy 2:22 KJV); “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers…” (1 Timothy 4:12 KJV); “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication” (1 Thessalonians 4:3 KJV); “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:23 KJV); “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another” (Romans 12:10 KJV).
Below are some suggestions for parents and teenagers on dating. I am certainly no expert in dating, but these common-sense, Biblical principles will help everyone deal with this consequential stage of life.
1.    Parents need to parent their teenagers in dating. We may let them choose between pepperoni or sausage on their pizzas, but when it comes to matters that affect their souls, parents must be clear and consistent. Parents have an obligation to make rules for dating that should be known and repeated to their children beginning in childhood. As with Abraham, parents need to look out for the “future” spiritual welfare of their children by helping them find godly mates.
2.    Parents should never, never allow their teenage son or daughter to be alone with a friend of the opposite sex. They should each never go into the other’s room, and they should never be left unsupervised anywhere. Cars, teens, and dating are not good combinations. It is far too easy to find a few minutes alone when there is no supervision. Young people, this is not a matter of trust, but an understanding and awareness of sexual attraction. Dads know how strong the male attraction is and therefore should take great care to protect their sons from sexual temptation. Moms can protect their daughters by teaching them the differences between male and female attraction.
3.    Teenagers, don’t date too early. Studies consistently show a link between early dating and teenage pregnancy. Thirteen-, fourteen-, fifteen-, and even sixteen-year-old teens are not ready or prepared for a serious boy/girl friend and steady dating. If a friend of the opposite sex wants to be your friend, he or she can find such friendship every Sunday and Wednesday during periods of Bible study and worship. Parents, don’t allow the world to sound the dating alarm clock too soon!
4.    Teenagers, date only those who will help you go to Heaven. If they are not interested in the Church, you should not be interested in them. Attendance at Bible study and worship is a good test of the heart. Too many brothers and sisters can share their struggles that stem from a marriage not formed out of a spiritual foundation.
5.    Teenagers, don’t date too often. The more time you spend with someone the more difficult it will be to remain pure and holy. If you are dating, limit your time together. Some who date spend more time together than husbands and wives do. If you act as though you are married, you may find yourself doing what only married people are authorized to do.
6.    Teenagers, never treat dating as a game. Dating helps us find a soul mate (someone who can help your soul go to Heaven). First, dating is not a social outlet. If you want a social outlet, go with a group, join an activity, or play a sport. Second, dating is not a popularity contest. You don’t have to date if you are in high school. In fact, it is probably better if you wait.
7.    Engaged couples, never forget that you are not married. In this stage of dating you should both agree upon rules for your relationship. Limit time you spend together and limit your physical contact. Be very clear on how far is too far. Remember, if you are not married, don’t act as if you are, or you will soon be married before you planned. The words of Solomon’s fiancé need to be rehearsed between every engaged couple, “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please” (Song of Solomon 3:5 KJV).
. An Indian preacher named Brother B. Ratnam was right when he expressed concerns about our American dating system. Indeed, it is dangerous! There are many lessons we can learn from the Bible to help both parents and teens with dating. We must re-evaluate our approach to and method of dating. We must throw out the Hollywood model and adopt the Holy Word’s examples and principles. Don’t wait until they are teens to talk to your children about dating. Parental failure in this area of life may have a consequential impact here and in eternity. As Abraham said, “Let us go into our country” to find mates for our children.