“To be or not to be: that is the question” is a phrase we all know from Shakespeare’s play Hamlet. When it comes to raising children, the question we ought to pose as parents should be “To discipline or not to discipline.”
There have been volumes written on how to discipline a child. Everywhere you look there are people willing to give their expert opinion on how to best discipline a child and what techniques are best. Parents of newborns get “expert” opinions from friends, family, and those who can’t wait to share all their knowledge on child-rearing (such as those waiting in line around you at the grocery store). Bookstores are filled with books and magazines on the semantics of actually “how to” discipline. Today’s “experts,” some of who have never had children, are either for or against a whole spectrum of discipline ranging from spanking, to time out, to talking to your child in order to discuss how his behavior is inappropriate.
It is good to have lots of ideas on the “how to’s” of discipline since all children will not respond to the same form of discipline. But since we are rearing children to be faithful Christians and arrows for God’s kingdom (Psalm 127), we should be concerned not so much with the behavior as we are with the heart that led to that behavior.
The Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20 states the church is to “make disciples of all nations.” We commonly use this passage when referring to spreading the Gospel message, but doesn’t this begin with our own children? When we evangelize, aren’t we trying to turn hearts to the Lord? Should parents not also be molding and turning the hearts of their children to the Lord? We should not just be correcting them for their outward behavior, but using that as a base upon which to evangelize, or disciple, them.
So is there a difference between disciplining and discipling? Not really. As parents, our discipline should be aimed at the heart, which in turn can help make a disciple of our children. The two go hand in hand. The phrase “disciple our children” may seem a little archaic, yet at the same time it brings to mind the goal of discipline—turning their hearts, minds, and might to God.
On the other hand, disciplining and discipling are different. Look at the Pharisees during the time of Christ. They were very disciplined in their behavior but were not true disciples. In their eyes they were doing all the right things, but in fact their hearts were not turned toward God.
Discipling is more involved than just punishing a child for a wrongdoing. It is a process that takes much longer. In Deuteronomy 6:4-5, we are given the “greatest” command. Following that in verses 6 and 7, we are told, “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” Discipling of children is something that is done on a continual basis, day in and day out.
In Ephesians 6:4 fathers are specifically instructed to “bring [their children] up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” This is not only referring to behavior correction, but also to teaching and training them as we are walking, sitting, lying, riding, resting, etc., alongside our children. We are influencing them even when we do not realize it. All parents have observed this because they’ve see their own kids naturally acting them same way they do.
One great example of discipling is seen with Christ and the twelve Apostles. For two years, Jesus walked with, talked with, and stayed with twelve men whom He chose to be His apostles. He trained and taught them right from wrong. He corrected them when they were wrong so they would understand how to live. Jesus wanted a relationship with them as He does us today. Jesus wanted their hearts as God wants ours. Christ’s discipline brought about disciples.
Another example is seen with God in the Garden of Eden as He related to Adam and Eve. God could very easily have miraculously and instantaneously given man all he needed to know in order to follow Him and live in this world, but He didn’t. He walked with Adam, talked with Adam, and taught Adam. God wanted a heart relationship with man and not simply robots to follow and do His will.
Punishment, which may be necessary for children, does not always reach to the hearts of children. Simple, quick discipline doesn’t necessarily correct the heart problem that led to the sin. Disciplining may get our children to act right but will not always get them to have a penitent heart. We are called to be diligent in the pursuit of our children’s hearts with hope that they will turn to God, and be steadily transformed into great disciples of Christ. Discipling takes time, physical and mental energy, and an active love. Our role as parents will be as disciplinarians at times, but let us not forget our responsibility to disciple our children.
Posted on 05/26/2010 1:26 PM by David W. Longley, D.O.
