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A One Man Woman for a One Woman Man
Since the very dawn of history itself, Jehovah has intended that one husband be married exclusively to one wife “till death do us part…”
God told Adam, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Jesus later repeated those words and then added, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). Let those last words sauté slowly in the juices of your mind for just a moment—“let not man separate.”
Man throughout the centuries has endeavored to just that—to separate. He has sought fragmentation and division between man and woman (Matthew 19:8), while God, by contrast, has mandated union and oneness. Note again the statement in Eden—“be joined” (NKJV). The King James translates this as “cleave”; the term means “to cling, glue, or bond.” It is employed in the Old Testament of flesh that adheres to the bone (Job 19:20), leprosy that is fused to the flesh (2 Kings 5:27), and metal that is welded together (Isaiah 41:7). In a personal way, “cleave” describes the passionate commitment of one person to another (Ruth 1:14; Genesis 34:3; Deuteronomy 30:20;). You see, from Heaven’s perspective, marriage is to be a permanent, life-lasting, never-to-be- severed, “Super Glue” attachment.
Cynics today inform us this is simply not possible—that the institution of marriage, at least as the Bible portrays it (Eph. 5), is little more than an ancient relic of an outmoded era. “It doesn’t work and simply cannot be found in the 21st century,” they allege.
At first blush, this notion sounds correct. Experience and observation tell us that even the best marriages can be difficult at times—yes, even among children of God. And who among us hasn’t watched a friend, loved one, or co-worker struggle through a heart-breaking divorce? If we are not very careful, we too can buy into the humanistic idea that the Father’s plan is impractical and ineffective, and therefore some other “option” ought to supersede His divine arrangement.
And what option should we pursue, you may ask? The world says “many.” Think Hugh Heffner. Think Hollywood. Think a plurality of relationships over the course of one’s life. You see, the world says that the most pragmatic and satisfying approach to marriage in our modern society is through a multiplicity of intimate associations. Why endure one monogamous relationship for decades when you can simply “trade in” a person like you might secure a new car? When you get through the honeymoon (John 6:15; Genesis 29:9-20) and reach disappointment (John 6:41, 60; Genesis 29:21-25), just sever the temporary attachment (John 6:66) and look for another person to fulfill your needs and desires. Don’t think one, think many.
Scripture tells us that there is a far better way. It teaches that the true path to marital harmony and longevity is built uniquely upon the essential truths of God’s Word. And thus a man who wishes to honor the Father and really desires to be blessed (John 10:10) both now as well as in eternity will want to have, and love, only one wife. He will be a one woman man married to a one man woman (Romans 7:2). “Why?” you may inquire. Consider but a few reasons:
1. In order that he might STUDY her. “Husbands, likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). Watch the phrase, “dwell with them with understanding.” Can a man who goes through multiple female partners honestly say that he genuinely and fully understands any of them? Of course not. Yes, he may have some limited insight to certain elements of their behavior, but he cannot in totality say that he has a heart, soul, and mind knowledge of any single woman. By contrast, a Christian husband who is dedicated to his one wife has the pleasure and privilege of learning his wife’s moods, feelings, needs, fears, hopes, and dreams over a lifetime! He can study her and find real joy in perpetual discovery.
2. In order that he might SHARE with her. The man who has many women tends to view sex as a mere physical act. He totally eliminates the depth of human relationship and restrains sexuality to the narrow confines of momentary passion and pleasure. But the man who is completely devoted to his one wife and follows God’s original blueprint experiences oneness on a much deeper level of intimacy and closeness.
I read recently where the University of Northern Iowa offered a general art course that included an unusual exercise. The instructor brought a shopping bag to class filled with lemons and then gave one piece of fruit to each class member. The assignment was for the student to keep his lemon with him day and night—smelling it, handling it, examining it for 48 hours. At the next class, the students were asked to put their lemons back into the bag. Then they were told to find their particular lemon. To their astonishment, most students did so without difficulty! The point is, in God’s beautiful design, sex not only includes seeing and caressing your mate’s body (Song of Solomon 4:1-15; 1 Corinthians 7:1ff); it involves knowing and sharing your own naked heart with your life-long partner in a way that no one else could ever experience.
3. In order that he might SANCTIFY her. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church” (Ephesians 5:25-29). The word “sanctify” comes from the same Greek root word as saint, which means “to make holy, to set apart.” Just as Christ loved His bride, the church, and gave Himself up in order to make her holy, a loving husband will want to sacrifice his own likes, desires, and preferences in order that he might purify his wife’s inner character and assist in the maturation of her faith. He is willing to die to self, because that is what true love requires.
The world says “many”; the Lord says “one.” The world’s “option” to Biblical marriage offers a) shallow attachments, b) unfulfilling and empty relations, and c) no opportunities for spiritual growth or Heaven as its goal. Thanks Hugh and Hollywood, but I think I will stay right where I am.
