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Counseling without a Ph.D.
A member of our congregation revealed to my husband that she had been sexually abused as a child. He didn’t feel comfortable counseling women about sexual abuse, and encouraged me to talk with her. I complained about my lack of training. He insisted my past experience qualified me to counsel her, since I had found healing in the Scriptures.
My first counseling session involved simply listening to her, sharing my experience, crying, hugging, and sharing some Scriptures. I prayed and encouraged her to find her own “medicine” from the Bible. Soon there followed other women who revealed similar past hurts. Some hadn’t told a soul in thirty or more years! It was soon clear that this one “session” was not enough.
Statistics say that 1 in 4 women have been sexually abused in their lifetime {http://www.prevent_abuse_now.com/stats.htm#Allegations}. There is a great need for prepared counselors. Yes, this often falls to the preacher’s wife, but others can do it. Any faithful Christian in the congregation can fill this void. Galatians tells us to fulfill the law of Christ by bearing each other’s burdens (6:2).
I began to study the Scriptures to find more that would help these women in need. Here is what I discovered.
1. Anyone can be qualified to counsel.
2 Peter 1:3 says we have been given “...all things which pertain to life and godliness.” Do we believe that? If we do, the answers to life’s problems are in there. We must search the Scriptures for the answers. We can be God’s workmen, “thoroughly furnished unto every good work” (2 Timothy 2:15; 3:17). Life is not without troubles and strife for any of us. God is the Creator and He knows the trials we go through. Help can be found within His life manual.
2. She needs to know she is not alone.
There are women included in the Scripture who were abused. They are likely mentioned with a purpose to teach of the evil in this world. Two are Dinah in Genesis 34 and Tamar in 2 Samuel 13.
3. She needs to know she is guiltless in this matter.
Often an abused woman feels guilty as if she committed sin herself. Sometimes her abuser even tells her so. God was very clear in the Law of Moses about this: “But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her, then the man only that lay with her shall die; But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing, there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death...” (Deuteronomy 22:25-27, KJV). We are no longer under the Old Law, but this plainly shows God’s thoughts on the matter.
4. She needs a Savior’s love.
It is difficult for an abused woman to feel worthy of love, especially the love of God. Remembering daily that Christ died for her helps her to feel special, but it may take some time for the words to sink in. Hold her hand and pray with her, asking God to help her see Christ’s love.
5. She needs a Father’s love.
There is a story of a little girl who had cut herself. For whatever reason, the doctors could not administer anesthesia. The girl looked at her father and said, “Will you hold my hand? I think I’ll be okay, if you just hold my hand.” In my own trials, I would pray and picture myself curled up into my Father’s lap with His arms around me. It is a wonderful feeling to feel protection as a child of God.
6. When her abuser asks forgiveness, she needs to forgive and let go of anger.
Forgiveness is a serious matter. Jesus included it in His model prayer and told a parable about the punishment of an unforgiving servant, finishing with: “So likewise shall My heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses” (Matthew 18:35, KJV). It is important to forgive others. It is a choice that often takes time. As we go through life, we may think we have finally forgiven that person, but then a situation arises and anger will reappear. We must choose again to forgive and pray for strength. It is significant that Jesus says, “Until seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22).
7. She needs to know the power of prayer.
A friend counseled me by quoting Jesus‘ words, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). He challenged me to pray for my abuser. At first it was difficult to even mention his name in my prayers, but it wasn’t long before my anger was replaced with genuine concern over his welfare. I wanted him to become a Christian and know God’s forgiveness. Prayer changes things (James 1:6).
8. She needs to help others.
The New Testament has many Scriptures that tell us that we should “bear one another’s burdens” or “admonish one another.” Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan that reminds us to help our neighbor in need. For the woman with the wounded heart this is especially necessary. It is easy to keep the focus on herself and “wallow” in self-pity (or a gallon of ice cream). At some point she must come to a place where she’s firmly planted on God’s solid rock and can reach down to pull someone else up from the depths of despair.
This article is just a bit of all that God has to say to hurting women. I pray that this is a beginning to help you be prepared to help those around you.
