“Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table.” – Psalm 128:3

 

I am excited to begin a new department for Think magazine! I am going to be writing about “A Little R & R” for the family. That is, the responsibilities and roles of fathers, mothers, and children.

I interact with several people daily from all different backgrounds and see a common thread of individuals not having a standard on how to determine their roles and responsibilities. People in our American culture tend to base what they do on the actions of others. Their family roles and responsibilities are relative to whatever and whomever they compare themselves. Without a standard, families are not going to grow closer together or to God.

So how are we to decide what the role of each person is in the family? The oldest standard on family roles, values, and morals is the Bible. By using God’s Word we can better see how to live out godly roles in our families. God created the heavens, the earth, and the family within six days. The husband-wife relationship, parent-child relationship, and sibling relationship are as old as the earth. When we want to learn what doctrine and teachings to believe and follow, we go the Bible first, so why not go to it for the doctrine and teachings on the family?

The pattern of how a family is to interact with each other should be based on how Christ relates to the church, how God relates to His people, and on principles we can learn from both godly and ungodly people in the Bible. These human relationships are mostly seen in the Old Testament, but the principles often apply to those of us who live under the New Testament Church.

Our culture has determined what the roles of father/husband, mother/wife, and brother/sister should be. Unfortunately, many of the roles society has promoted for the family are based on psychology, and many of the roles that do claim a Biblical basis are based on a false interpretation and application of Scripture.

I fully understand that there are many family tables scattered throughout America that do not have a Biblically-based family pattern with both a father and mother. But at the same time, I hope we agree that a fatherless or motherless home was not God’s plan at creation. I want to express what I believe the Bible teaches on how each family member is to interact with others in his family, and the relationship he is to have with the New Testament Church, and society. I will show that the father’s leadership is key.

What the Bible teaches may be difficult for some because our society is “[at a] time when [we] will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires; and will turn away their ears from the truth, and will turn aside to myths” (2 Timothy 4:3-4, NASB). I believe that many Christian families are living as they desire without really delving into what the Bible teaches about families. New Testament Christian families are to look to God and the Bible for the road to travel in every aspect of their lives and to follow its teachings, patterns, and precepts regardless of how tough or hard it may be.

So do I believe that a family without the Bible as its basis for understanding will suffer? Yes. Any family that does not have God’s word to lead them through life will suffer not only in this life, but also in the afterlife. The Bible teaches how a Christian is to live in order to be called a child of God. Family life is intertwined with this in every respect.

I hope to challenge those who read this to take another look at their family roles, relationships, and goals in order to determine if their families are examples of the Christ/Church and God/Son relationships. I hope and pray that a rethinking, reevaluation, and change in families take place if needed.

Let us keep in mind a few points as we begin. Men must turn their hearts to their wives and children. Then those wives and children will turn their hearts back to the fathers (Malachi 4:5-6). They will have a fear and respect for the Lord (Psalm 128:4). Those of us who are parents (fathers especially) are going to have to take action if we want a better future for our children and grandchildren. Fathers are going to have to become men of action as in Nehemiah 4:14, where the men are told by Nehemiah the prophet, “Don’t be afraid…fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” Our families should be home-centered with an emphasis on the family as a unit, instead of the family made up of disconnected individuals. We must emphasize Christ-centered households where the entire family is obedient to God’s Word and holds it as the standard by which each person decides what is true and right.

There are several angles on how to approach the topic of feminism. Entire books have been written on the topic. So how can feminism be summed up in a short article? Well, it can’t. A quick look at Wikipedia lists several types of specific feminism. What I want to do is define what feminism is, how it is portrayed in our culture, and how feminism has crept into the New Testament church.

Feminism: What It Is

At our house we have an 1828 Webster’s Dictionary that is fascinating to look at and compare definitions from approximately 200 years ago to those of today. However, feminism is not found in our 1828 dictionary because it was not something that was as common as it is today. Feminism has become a religion to some. The modern definition describes feminism very well when it calls it a “doctrine.” It defines feminism as, “A doctrine that advocates or demands for women the same rights granted men, as in political and economic status.”¹ I believe that in some areas feminists strive for more than just equality.

As with most movements, there is usually a need to be met, a wrong to be corrected, etc. and such was the case with the feminist movement in its infancy. The women in the Victorian era were seen by society as an adornment to obey men and do what men wanted. Feminists of today seem to be trying to swing the pendulum completely the other way so women are not only equal to but more powerful than men. Both ideas are extreme. Neither extreme is the way in which Christ views His bride, the church, in Ephesians 6. New Testament Christians have to go back to the Bible to find out what the roles of men and women are, how they are different, why they are different, and then encourage growth in the strengths of each.

Queen Victoria in 1879 had this to say about feminism and women’s rights,

I am most anxious to enlist everyone who can speak or write to join in checking this mad, wicked folly of “Women’s Rights,” with all its attendant horrors, on which her poor feeble sex is bent, forgetting every sense of womanly feelings and propriety. Feminists ought to get a good whipping. Were women to “unsex” themselves by claiming equality with men, they would become the most hateful, heathen, and disgusting of beings and would surely perish without male protection. I love peace and quiet. I hate politics and turmoil. We women are not made for governing, and if we are good women, we must dislike these masculine occupations.²

 Keep in mind this was from the Queen of England.

Feminism: In Our Society

Feminists have strived (to their detriment) to have the same roles as men in every area of life. Some do it because of their total rebellion against the Biblical order between men and women. This is not to say that all women at all times are to take second in everything. In my relationship with my wife, I regard very highly her abilities to do things and accomplish things that I cannot do. She has gifts and abilities in areas that greatly exceed mine. Women and men have different gifts and roles. One sex is not more important that the other. Let me ask a question: Which is more important, the artist’s small brush or the painter’s five-inch brush? Doesn’t it depend on what job needs to be done? Which is better to paint a china cup? Which is better to paint the side of a barn? Common sense should give you the answer.

Some women become feminists out of necessity because the men in their lives have failed to lead. Not just that they have led poorly, but they simply failed to lead at all. In Genesis 2 we are told that man needed a helper; God made woman to be a helper. So what is the job of a helper? If a woman is in a relationship with a Christ-centered husband, who is being a servant-leader as Christ, then his wife easily follows and helps her husband promote not just his wants, dreams, desires, etc. but helps in promoting Christ and the family. If a woman is in a relationship with a self-centered husband who does not take any initiative to lead his family, then women, because of their creator-made helper personality, can easily take charge and develop the idea that either man cannot lead or, if he does, will lead poorly.

I believe our culture unknowingly contributes to this idea of feminism when we create situations of competition between boys and girls. Instead of realizing that boys and girls (even at young ages) have different strengths and weaknesses and capitalizing on them, we pit boys against girls in many areas. If our society were to capitalize on the strengths of each gender, think how much more could be accomplished for the Lord. Men and women are different and that difference is what complements the other and completes the other. That difference is what makes the two become one in marriage.

Another way our culture contributes to young women’s desire for equality is seen in the dating “game” that is played throughout elementary, junior high, and high school years. Young women have their hearts broken over and over by different guys so many times in their lives that they are unable to give a complete and pure heart to their spouses at marriage. Some of these young women have been hurt badly enough that they do not want to be considered in any way, shape, form, or fashion different from a man. They develop coping mechanisms in their early lives that do not allow anyone to get close to them and that cause them to put on a face of unwillingness to be different.

What I believe was a main cause for the modern feminist movement was that husbands abdicated their responsibility to lead and saw that women were more than willing to help take some of the load and stress off their shoulders. Let’s face it—leading is hard. The curse placed on man was that he would have to struggle in order to live. This tells me then that men, because of their curse, naturally don’t want to work hard much at all. Therefore, over time men have slowly allowed women to take over because it is easier. Men have thereby abdicated their responsibilities to their wives and families spiritually, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and physically. So what do women do? They become the helper to man by filling in all the roles that their husbands fail to fill. In doing so they fill the void of male leadership and we have the feminist movement of today.

When men in society try to act like real men, they are hated by feminists. Feminism punishes manly leadership. Feministic ideas do not allow boys at an early age to be different from girls. Little boys, as they grow up in school, are taught that girls are not different from them, girls are their equal, and girls are the same as they are. Boys are not taught to be young gentlemen and chivalrous, such as even holding doors open for girls or ladies.

Feminism: Seen in the Church

Since this has infiltrated our society, it has also crept into the church. We see women who out in society perform the same jobs as a man, compete with man in every arena, and get similar rewards. Then when it comes to worship the feminists don’t understand what the big deal is and why they cannot have the same roles in the church as they do in elsewhere. Men, in many cases, are unwilling to fulfill their God-ordained roles. These men then find women who want to do it and then let them because it is less work for them.

This same scenario is played out in the home where today most Christian women have for years been living out both the curse placed upon woman and the curse placed upon man in Genesis 2. They do this either out of necessity or lack of leadership. I believe that feminism came about because men did not stand up for the Biblical standard regarding leadership. Please don’t get me wrong! I will say this again; I covet my wife’s thoughts, suggestions, actions, help, and her intuitive mind. I would not be the man I am today if it were not for my wife who daily devotes herself to the well-being and care of our family. She helps in so many areas that I am lacking!   

Men in their families and in the church need to stand up and lead. God doesn’t call us to all be perfect leaders, but He does call us to lead. Everyone wants to follow a good leader. That leader is someone who leads by example and who is a servant leader, thereby imitating Christ. As Christians, it is easy to follow a Christ who would lay down His life and die on a cross for people whom He had never seen. Gentlemen, we should be leading the way Christ led. If we want to take our culture back to the Bible, we must as the apostle Paul wrote, “...know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death” (Philippians 3:10).

Conclusion

For men and women, there may be some surprising conclusions as we look back to the Bible for guidance and proper relationship roles in the home and in the church, but joy will follow. Prayerfully, there will be a denying and death of self for all mankind, only to find a new and more fulfilling life with those we love and God.

 

1. American Heritage Dictionary. 2nd Edition. Copyright 1985 by Houghton Mifflin Company

2. Phillips, Elizabeth Beall. Verses of Virtue. (San Antonio, Texas: The Vision Forum, Inc., 2003) p. 102.

“Those were atheists?!” my nine year-old son asked. “I thought they would look more… you know… mean-looking. I wish you’d let me debate them. I think I could have taken them. Wow, so they were really atheists, Dad?” It was one of those moments that really stand out in my mind. I had just finished an open “Question and Answer” session in a weekend seminar. Approximately twenty atheists had shown up in response to the flyers spread around town. My oldest son had come to the front of the auditorium to help me pack up at the conclusion of the night. We had a few moments alone and so I used that time to discuss some of the topics mentioned during the Q & A session. My son’s comments came after I revealed to him that the individuals who I had just been talking with were atheists. My son was shocked. After all, the atheists were dressed very similar to him! In fact, one of them had been extremely kind to him and had carried on a conversation with him about football and school.

Far too often we view atheists as evil people who wear scary-looking clothes and mean scowls on their faces. The reality of it is we might be hard pressed to pick them out in our own community. They may be living literally in the house next door. On one occasion I was speaking at a small congregation in a little town in Arkansas when a Christian asked me a question: “Why do atheists do ….” I smiled and answered that I wasn’t sure since I was not an atheist. A man to my right stood up and meekly said, “I can answer that question.” You could have literally heard a pin drop. He continued by saying, “I realize I will probably lose some business with some of you all and have known most of you my whole life, but I’m an atheist.” This was a man in their community they had known for years, and yet there he was—an atheist—in their midst.

In many cases atheists dress like we do, talk like we do, and oftentimes have nice personalities. They come in all shapes, sizes, and socio-economic classes. These individuals frequently come across as “questioners” or intellectually superior—making religion appear to be a crutch. This may be why so many young people are drawn to them like moths to a flame. Make no mistake about it, atheists are real and are very much in your community.

Atheism is the belief that there is no God. It is derived from the Greek word atheos, meaning godless. Atheos means “without,” and theos means “deity.” The number of individuals who identify themselves as atheists has increased dramatically over the past few years. It has become the belief system of choice for many high school and college students who deem it critical to question everything and go against the norm. So exactly how are atheists appealing to our children and grandchildren?

One of the reasons atheists have been so successful in emptying out church pews is because they have convinced at least two generations that everything must be proven using the scientific method. From an early age, students are taught that if you cannot see, touch, taste, smell, or hear it, then “it” does not exist. Those who have stiffened their necks against God recognize that He exists beyond scientific measure—and thus, our young people feel that it is impossible to prove His existence. Case in point—just before I was to teach 700 students about Christian evidences at a Christian academy, one of the seniors got up and offered a prayer. During his prayer, he made the statement that while they didn’t know for sure God was real and couldn’t prove He existed, they had faith and believed in Him. This young man had just told 700 of his classmates he was not sure God was real!

Many Christian parents find themselves dismayed when their child returns home from school only to announce they no longer believe in a God. And yet, as more and more atheists take a militant approach, this phenomenon is occurring more and more often. In a personal email an atheist indicated, “I never really seriously thought about church and religion until I moved to college. After thinking, reading, and discussing God and religion, my belief in God faded and eventually disappeared. Letting go of God was not an easy process—at least for me.” It was not an easy process, but this individual has officially turned his back on God.

Atheists struggle with explaining the very existence of the universe. Any logical person would be hard pressed to defend that nothing exists today. The very fact that you are reading this article indicates that something exists. (Some might contend that this is all a hallucination—but I would still ask where did the hallucination come from, and exactly how do you know it is a hallucination? For something to be acknowledged as a hallucination would mean that one can know reality.) Since it is an absolute truth that something now exists, it demands that something has existed forever. Otherwise, one would be forced to argue that something came from nothing—a position that is weak and illogical. It is a self-evident truth that something can’t come from nothing, thus something has to have existed forever. This truth does not prove a Supreme Being, but rather it establishes that something has “eternal” properties.The essence of being eternal can be defined as existing without a beginning or end—sometimes considered to be outside of time. Since something exists today, it is a reasonable scientific observation to then go one step further and deduce that something has existed forever.

But how do we go about identifying that eternal “something”? This is where naturalistic science meets philosophy. All of our scientific observations exclude anything being “eternal” in nature. (Some might argue that the universe holds an eternal potential, i.e. Heni Poincare’s work would argue that given a sufficient length of time, it will reorder itself into its original arrangement without any loss of usable energy. However, the evidence of such a “theory” is still lacking and would be a faith-based assumption in itself.) Everything that man is currently aware of obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics, which states that things are running down and wearing out (a concept also shared by writers of the Bible; see Hebrew 1:11; Isaiah 51:6; Psalm 102:26). Eternality would indicate that something is not running down and had no beginning. Consider the following equations:

1. Something exists today—THUS—something must be eternal and has always existed.

2. Something is eternal (doesn’t wear down and was not created)—THUS—something violates scientific laws (specifically the Second Law of Thermodynamics).

3. Something violates scientific laws—THUS—something exists outside the observable laws of naturalistic science.

From these we can conclude:

4. Somethingeternal is THUS outside the observable laws of naturalistic science!

While many atheists may not like this “math,” it is inescapable. To argue otherwise would be to deny our very existence. We can logically conclude that something has existed forever—something that is not explainable by naturalistic science. That something is God.

Without a belief in God, one must ponder what hope these individuals truly have. What is their view of the afterlife? Consider the following proposition:

1.  Only bodies in which a component (e.g., the spirit) is eternal and endless can have meaning (E form: No finite lives have meaning).

2.  If there are no gods, then there are no endless lives (A form: If there are no gods, all lives are finite).

3.  If there is no God, then no lives have meaning.

This meaning does not equate with happiness, as non-believers and believers alike can experience worldly happiness. However, the core meaning for our lives shapes our attitudes and oftentimes dictates how we conduct ourselves while on this earth. For many, the whole duty of man is to “fear God and keep His commandments” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). For others, the duty of man is to eat, drink, and be merry. Consider for a moment the response I received from two atheists when I asked them how they view death.

Jason said, “Non-existence, period.  Dead people do not exist. The person ceases to exist upon death. Death is just a way of expressing that a person has passed away into non-existence, which is (by that concept) only troubling for the people who still exist.

Another atheist, Josh, remarked, “My view on death and an afterlife is pretty nihilistic and generic of the typical atheist. There is no afterlife, and we've got to do what we can now. It will make dying a lot easier to know that I will be known long after I die, so for me, it's kind of like making my ego survive my body.”

I’ve heard it said many times that it takes more faith to be an atheist than a Christian. Given the amount of evidence we have for God, I would agree. Ask yourself ,“Do I have enough faith to be an atheist?” Ultimately we are without excuse! (see Romans 1:20).

Brad Stine once mused: “Who is more irrational? A man who believes in a God he doesn’t see, or a man who’s offended by a God he doesn’t believe in?” I would take that even one step further: “Who is more irrational? A Christian who believes in God but doesn’t teach his child about Him, or an atheist who doesn’t believe in Him but takes the time to teach the child his beliefs?”